12 Tips For Dealing With Shyness At Work

Being shy can be particularly difficult at work, both for employees and for organizations.

For employees, it can be hard to push yourself outside of your comfort zone and participate verbally in meetings, discussions, and activities. It can appear as though you are not participating when really you are just taking it all in and perhaps trying to find the courage to speak up.

For organizations, it is difficult because they could be missing out on the fabulous ideas that their shy staff may have because they are unsure of how to cultivate engagement from these employees.

If you are one of the shy ones, there may be ways to help you deal with your shyness at work. Keep reading to find the strategy that works best for you.

Find Your Tribe

Having a group of people that you feel safe around may prompt you to speak up a bit more.

It may take time to find your people, but once you find them, stick with them. Let them challenge you. You might even ask them to prompt you to say your ideas out loud.

Supportive friends will do so in a gentle and kind way.

Practise In A Written Way First

Email may just be your very best friend. Get to know people over email or Skype for Business. It might help you feel more comfortable when you run into them at that upcoming all staff meeting.

Do not hide behind your computer screen forever, but this is a good way to practise putting yourself out there without having to do so while watching the other person stare at you.

Prepare

Shy people often worry about how they are received and this is part of why they do not speak up.

If you are really well prepared to talk about your topic, you might feel less of the anxiety associated with possibly failing or being perceived wrong.

Literally practise talking about whatever it is you might be talking about at work. Practise your speech, practise saying hello and introducing yourself. All of this will help you to feel more comfortable later on.

Challenge Yourself

Pick a day and challenge yourself. Perhaps once a week will be your challenge day!

On this day you should pick a new person to introduce yourself to and a new time to speak up that you would not normally do.

Exposing yourself consistently to the thing that makes you nervous or feel uncomfortable will make it easier to do it later on.

Ask More Questions

Ask people more questions about what they are talking about. This keeps the focus on them but invites you to participate a bit more. Even a simple “could you tell me more about that?” can go a long way.

People want to talk but they also want other people to listen to them. Maybe you are a better listener than a talker.

That is okay. But you still have to be engaged with the talkers. Asking more questions will help you do so.

Pre-Plan When You Will Talk

As you listen to people, strategically find places that you can add input. You should still be intentionally listening, but listening for places where you could naturally add yourself into the mix.

Have a few key phrases to use. This will make you feel more comfortable and calm as you speak.

Ask Your Boss To Support You

Most employees have to undergo an annual performance meeting. In this meeting you talk about what is going well and what improvements could be made.

You might simply advocate for yourself by telling your boss that you struggle with shyness and that you would like some help.

Likely you are not the first shy employee your manager has ever had. They might have ways that could help you break out of your shell in your particular organization.

This is the kind of conversation that can feel vulnerable. Only ask your boss for advice if you feel they are genuinely able to give you some. It could feel invalidating if you are not met with great guidance.

Another important factor is to make sure you boss does not confuse shyness with introversion. These can look very similar to an observer, but the internal thought processes are very different.

While shyness may make you nervous about speaking up, an introvert will often have no problem doing so – but they do need time to gather their thoughts before they open their mouth.

Ask Someone Else To Speak Up For You

If you have a partner at work that you really trust and can share your ideas with, you might ask that they speak on your behalf.

This is obviously not a sustainable long-term option, but it could help you initially become more comfortable with advocating on your own behalf.

Speak Up For Someone Else

Perhaps you are more of an advocate for others than you are for yourself. If you identify times that are appropriate to speak up for others and you really care about them being heard, it might feel more natural to you to speak up then.

You know what it feels like to be shy and struggle to speak up, so you might find it easier to take someone else’s pain away by speaking up for them. This is a great way to practise.

Ignore Your Inner Critic

If your speaking up is being prevented by that inner voice that is not telling you nice things, try to ignore it.

Allow those inner thoughts to come and go on their own without believing them. You might even counteract the thoughts by stating back the opposite thought to them.

For example, if you are not speaking up because your inner thought tells you whatever you have to say isn’t important, you might remind yourself that you are important and you should talk.

Another example would be that your inner voice says other people do not like you or want to listen to you. Tell yourself that people do enjoy you and they are interested in what you have to say.

Plan For The Worst Case Scenario

I cannot say this enough: always pre-plan for a potential crisis.

If you are worried about speaking up because you think something terrible might happen, plan for what you would do if the terrible thing does in fact happen!

It feels so much easier to navigate this if you know what you will do in the event your worst nightmare comes true.

The likelihood that the awful thing will happen is almost nonexistent but your head doesn’t necessarily believe that. So planning for how you will manage it will quiet down those thoughts a bit.

Allow Yourself To Sit In The Discomfort

Lean into what it feels like to speak up and feel uncomfortable. This is the only time you will grow. There is nothing wrong with being shy, but you have valuable things to contribute to the world and to your work and nobody will know unless you talk about them.

Conclusion

Allow yourself to do the thing even though you are afraid. This is how you bring your whole self to work and it will pay off for you.

Remember that you can do it and you may always be a shy person, that is one of the lovely things about you, but you can speak up when you have important things to say.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. How to Talk to Anyone at Work