12 Symptoms Of Anxiety In Children Parents Need To Know About

As a parent, you’re undoubtedly used to worrying about your children, but did you know that they too can become anxious?

Some of the symptoms are similar to those experienced by adults, but some are somewhat different.

This guide lists 12 of the most common signs that your children are suffering from anxiety.

Anger / Hostility

At first glance, you may not associate anger, irritability, or even outright hostility with anxiety – you’ll probably think they’re just in “one of those moods”.

And, of course, it may be that – but it can also be a sign of anxiety.

The thing is, when you’re anxious, your emotions are generally heightened, and lashing out is just one outlet for them.

One way to tell the difference between regular anger and anxious anger is the suddenness with which it appears – when a child is anxious, they may become irritable or hostile out of the blue, without any warning.

Excessive Questioning

Nobody truly enjoys uncertainty, and when children are anxious, they do what most people would do – they try to find out more, because the more you know, the less uncertain things become.

For children, the easiest and most common way to find out more, given their limited knowledge of the world and how it works, is to ask questions.

Ad nauseam!

Like, literally, every two to three minutes – often with the exact same question.

And yes, it’s annoying, but once you understand why they’re asking all those questions, the easier it is to deal with them.

Constantly Seeking Validation

Somewhat related to the previous symptom (i.e. asking a lot of questions), you’ll notice this when your children are unsure of themselves – a common feeling of those suffering from anxiety.

So, they seek constant reassurance that they are worthy, or doing the right thing, or will be OK.

Often, these questions cannot be honestly answered, because the answer may be unknowable, so you have to decide whether to reassure your children with comforting answers (e.g. “Yes, of course you’ll make new friends at your new school”), or to be truthful and say you have no way of knowing (e.g. “I can’t say for certain, but it’s likely you’ll make new friends at your new school”).

Note that this symptom can sometimes be associated with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and it can also be a sign of self-esteem issues.

Digestive Issues

For many people, myself included, any anxiety or nerves go straight to the stomach, causing anything from queasiness to outright diarrhoea.

This is often a natural reaction to the body’s innate “freeze, flight, or fight” response, and that is usually triggered by perceived danger, and with people are suffer from anxiety, this perception of danger may be heightened.

Another common physical symptom of anxiety is a headache, which at worst can become a migraine.

Avoidance

It’s normal for humans to try to avoid things they don’t like doing, whether it’s going to the dentist or having what you know will be a difficult conversation with somebody.

Children are, of course, no different, and while sometimes they may avoid things because they simply don’t want to do them (e.g. eat their broccoli), it is often a symptom of anxiety.

It may look the same (e.g. defiant or adversarial behaviour), but it may be triggered because they feel like they have no control in a situation (a sign of anxiety), and all they are trying to do is assert some control by themselves.

It’s a common coping mechanism, and it may present as direct refusal or as something softer, like procrastination.

Often, you will see this when they are reluctant to go on sleepovers – something that most children seem to look forward to an enjoy.

Alternatively, they may literally try to avoid something by running away and/or hiding.

Sleep Problems

This make take the form of having trouble falling asleep, or staying asleep throughout the night, or, of course, both.

I’m sure you can recall times when you’ve had trouble drifting off because you’ve had something on your mind – maybe a bad day at work, or the knowledge that tomorrow you have to do something you don’t want to do – and while children may not encounter the same type of problems that adults do (e.g. how to pay the bills this month), it doesn’t mean they don’t get anxious about things.

This can also be why anxious children wake during the night – their anxiety puts them in a more alert state, so they are easier to wake than normal.

They may even wake with nightmares – all triggered by anxiety.

One other symptom that can accompany anxiety, but is not necessarily caused solely by it, is bed-wetting. Since this often involves other issues, professional help may be required in this specific case.

Trouble Concentrating

An anxious mind is a busy mind, because it’s always in alert mode, looking for signs of danger.

In such situations, the brain’s emotion centre, the amygdala, is overactive, and that causes their thinking centre, in the frontal lobe, to be less accessible, with the result that it’s hard to focus on anything for any significant period of time.

Heightened Emotions

Coupled with the above, children suffering from anxiety are likely to burst into tears out of the blue, being triggered by the seemingly smallest of reasons.

Becoming Clingy

Often going hand in hand with wanting constant reassurance, getting distraught at the thought of having to leave your side (e.g. when being dropped off at school) is another symptom of childhood anxiety.

This is not uncommon in young children, but if it becomes a habit, then it’s possible this is something that needs to be addressed.

Negative Self-Talk

While this is not always indicative of anxiety, if your child is constantly saying negative things about themselves (e.g. “I’m not good at this”, “I’ll never be able to do that”, “I’ll never make any friends”), then you need to address this sooner rather than later, before self-esteem issues set in.

Worrying & Phobias

At some level, this is normal – for everybody – but if it’s happening all of the time, or they display signs of irrational phobias, then this may be anxiety kicking in.

Signs may be always thinking the worst will happen, or overthinking things (often known as analysis paralysis), and while this can be good (don’t we teach our children to be cautious and “look before you leap”), if it gets in the way of them doing normal daily activities, then it’s probably gone too far.

Inability To Calm Down

If, in spite of everything you try to do, they still won’t calm down, then this may be another sign of anxiety.

If they have burst into tears, or thrown a tantrum, they are often just crying out for reassurance, such as comforting words that show you understand what they are going through, or a hug.

Conclusion

As we’ve seen, anxiety in children is not always that different from anxiety in adults, but their behaviours may be different because they haven’t yet developed all the necessary coping mechanisms.

For example, most adults don’t burst into tears and throw temper tantrums, or go and hide in a cupboard.

And the occasional sign of some of these symptoms doesn’t mean they have anxiety all the time, but the more of them you see, and the more often, the more likely it is that you will need to nip the problem in the bud.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Helping Your Anxious Child