12 Coping Strategies To Help Improve A Negative Body Image

I see a lot of posts on Facebook where people, primarily but not exclusively females, think they look ugly or fat, or are otherwise unhappy with how they look.

Many of these people are suffering from depression and/or are self-harming too, and I find it very sad.

This article explores some of the more common issues relating to body image, and offers a few suggestions on how to deal with self-image issues.

What Is Body Image?

Put simply, it is how you think you look – an internal representation of your appearance.

The important thing to note is that this does not necessarily bear any resemblance to how others may see you.

Where Does Your Body Image Come From?

Objectively, when you look in the mirror, you see what other people see of course, but how you evaluate what you see is subject to a host of factors, including:

1. Your physical appearance, which is the common base that the following factors can distort.
2. Your childhood experiences (e.g. the attitudes of your parents or the comments they may have made, often without ill intent, “jokes” or taunts made by siblings or children at school).
3. Your mood and emotions, because how you feel about your body can depend on your current emotional state.
4. Your own definition of “beautiful” or “attractive”, since as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
5. The media (e.g. television, magazines, movies, advertising) and what “they” say is “the perfect body”.
6. Social media, because most people post flattering images of themselves, and this can create false expectations of your own body.

How Does Having A Negative Body Image Affect You?

It can cause one or more of the following:

1. Anxiety.
2. Body Dysmorphic Disorder (where a person obsesses about some aspect of their body, either in part or as a whole, thinking it severely flawed and therefore requiring extraordinary measures to hide or fix it).
3. Depression. (Note that this is bi-directional – a negative body image can cause depression, but depression can also lead to a negative body image.)
4. Eating disorders.
5. Performance (e.g. academically).
6. Relationship issues.
7. Social isolation.
8. Unhappiness in general.

Assessing The Source Of Your Negative Body Image

There is a good chance that your opinion of you body stems from something that happened during childhood – maybe a one-time experience, but more likely something that was said or done on a consistent basis.

Whatever it was, it has created a belief in your mind that you are fat or ugly or unlovable, or whatever it is that you think is wrong with how you look.

The truth is, in many cases, that your belief is not founded on anything rational. For example, you may have taken something that was said out of context, or overreacted to something that was not said seriously.

The problem is, it may be very difficult, as a teen or adult years later, to recall what caused your image of yourself to be so poor.

Maybe there is a specific instance that springs to mind, but if not, then this is where a trained medical professional may be able to help, by asking you the right questions to assist you in bringing those memories back to the surface.

Once you know, or at least have a strong suspicion of, what triggered your negative self-image, you are in a position to evaluate that information. For example:

1. Was it said in jest?
2. Is there any other evidence to support what was said? For example, have lots of of different people made the same comment, or were you actually overweight at the time?
3. Do you respect the people who made fun of how you look? (It’s long been my view that if you don’t respect somebody, you should not pay any attention to what they say about you.)
4. Or, is there some truth to what you have uncovered? Because, let’s face it, some people who do have a negative body image may, for example, be overweight – and I’m talking from a health perspective here. Choosing to lose weight because it’s what you think you should do based on other people’s opinions is very different to choosing to lose weight because you would be able to live a healthier life and live longer.

After all of this discussion and introspection, you may decide that the reasons you have your negative body image are unfounded, and you can therefore dismiss it on the basis of there being no evidence to support your self-image.

Or, you may decide there is good cause for it, in which case you can take the appropriate steps to do something about it (e.g. eat more healthily, do some regular exercise – both of which we should all be doing anyway).

How Can You Deal With Your Negative Body Image On A Day-To-Day Basis?

Regardless of where this poor self-image came from, you still have to live with it each and every day – until you can shed it.

And there are a few tactics you can use to help you with this:

1. Beauty Is Skin Deep. I was once asked whether I found a person beautiful, based on a photo of them, and I replied, “I have no idea – I don’t know them yet.”

   Yes, I know what they meant when they asked the question, but my point was that beauty as commonly defined is superficial and meaningless – I’m a lot more concerned with whether somebody is beautiful on the inside (e.g. do they have a good heart, are they honest, do they live their life with integrity, are they trustworthy and loyal) and whether we have similar thinking structures.

2. Consider What Your Body Is For. Even though society as a whole, and the individuals within that society, are fixated on appearance (e.g. shape, hairstyles, hair colour, the make-up you wear, and, of course, your clothes, and even the car that you drive), remember that your outer body has various functions – e.g. it lets you move around, it protects your internal organs and other body parts from damage.

   An interesting study conducted at Maastricht University, in the Netherlands, found that when people were asked about what their bodies could do, the majority used positive terms to describe them. There was no mention of how the functionality of their body compared to anybody else’s, or to some theoretical norm.

   However, when the participants were asked to talk about their physical appearance, there were many comparisons made to other people and to what society expects, and, not surprisingly, many of these comparisons were unfavourable.

   In addition, they were more likely to describe their bodies as they thought others saw them.

   In other words, if you focus on what your body has evolved to do and achieve, rather than how it looks, your self-image will be more positive.

3. Create A List Of What You Like About Yourself. This should not be about your appearance, but about your personality (e.g. bubbly, warm), your principles and values (e.g. loyalty, honesty), and your talents (e.g. empathy). Refer to this list often, and update it when appropriate.
4. Eat More Healthily. This is always good advice, regardless of anything else, but since a negative body image and your mental health are related, then eliminating foods that can make your mental health worse and increasing your consumption of foods that can help improve your mental health makes sense.

   You’ll find several articles about foods that can help here.

5. Help Others. It’s a common remedy to all manner of problems, but in my experience, it’s a truism – helping others takes your mind off your own problems.

   It lets you see that there are plenty of other people far worse off than you, with life-and-death problems (e.g. finding food, somewhere to live). This does not mean, of course, that your own problems do not exist, but helping others can put them in perspective.

6. Ignore Other People’s Opinions. This one is tough, of course, because we are programmed almost from birth to care what others think about us. It starts with the desire to please our parents, but then school adds to the burden, and when you get a job, you are likely being compared to your colleagues and/or subject to staff appraisals.

   But when you think about it, does what other people think about your appearance really and truly matter?

   These are superficial subjective judgements that have nothing to do with who you really are. If people judge you and discount you because of how you look rather than the person you are (and the principles / values you live by), then do you care whether they like you or not?

7. Positive Affirmations. I’ve talked about these elsewhere, but as I state in Lesson 1.2 from my Brain Training For Success Course, “Affirmations are positive statements that activate your mind to change your life, one thought at a time.”

   So, whenever you hear that inner self-critical voice in your head, shut it down and replace it with a positive affirmation or two, such as “I love and respect myself” or “It’s OK to love myself”.

8. Review The Media More Critically. By media, I mean the usual sources, such as television, movies, adverts, magazines, as well as social media.

   You will no doubt see a ton of images are of skinny women and men with six packs, but what you need to do is look around at the people you actually encounter in real life and ask yourself, how realistic are those media images? How many people conform to those idealized and stylized shapes?

   The answer will probably be, not many.

   Remember that everything you see via the media (even, to a lesser degree, social media), has a hidden message – when they use the word “programming” to describe TV schedules, it has more than one meaning.

9. Surround Yourself With Positive People. People who judge you based on your appearance only are being negative (for no good reason), so why spend time with them? Find a few people who are more positive, and who value you for who you are – you’ll have more fun, and you’ll come to realize that how you look is not so important after all.
10. Talk To Somebody. As somebody who bottled up my feelings and depression for far too long (literally, five or more years), I could not believe how talking about my problems to a few close friends (and later, therapists) helped me.

    Discussing issues like this forces you confront a few uncomfortable facts and beliefs, but getting them out in the open is a great way to get them off your chest.

    Of course, be careful whom you tell – they need to be trustworthy, a good listener, non-judgemental, and not somebody who will tell anybody else what you discuss.

    This is one of the ten key things that helped me get through my depression, which I have written about here. (This article also mentions journalling – writing down how you feel – which is another way you can help let stuff go if you’re reticent to talk to somebody.)

11. Treat Yourself. By this, I mean do something nice specifically for your body. Examples include going for a long soak in a bubble bath, having a massage, taking a nap, going for a sauna, relaxing in a jacuzzi, or just sitting in the garden (or a park). The point is, you’re doing something that shows your body that you appreciate all that it does for you.
12. Try Online Dating. If you are finding it hard to start a relationship because you are afraid nobody will want to go out with you because of how you look, then try dating online.

    I’m not talking necessarily about dating sites, but just meeting and getting to know somebody online.

    Removing the distractions of how the other person looks is really liberating and allows you to connect on a much more meaningful level.

    This is how I met my second wife, and I wrote about my experience here.

One Final Thing

Most of the above examples are related to a person’s weight, but of course there are other reasons why you might be self-conscious about how you look (e.g. birthmarks / port-wine stains, moles, alopecia, tattoos, and, of course, physical deformities).

For the most part, the causes, effects, and coping strategies are similar.

However, since these types of issues are more objective than subjective (i.e. they can be seen by everybody, and not just yourself), then there are a few other options.

There are treatments to resolve many of these issues these days – if you decide you want to go down that route – such as tattoo removal, plastic surgery, etc.

I firmly believe you shouldn’t have to go through potentially painful procedures just to fit in, and that what other people think of your appearance should not matter, but the fact is, unfortunately, that physical appearance can and frequently does make a difference in how people treat you.

You therefore need to do what you need to be happy – for some, that may mean treatment / surgery, while for others, they may decide to remain as they are.

The only thing I have ever tried to do both for myself, and for those who have asked for my opinion or help, is to ensure that decisions are made for the right reasons.

Conclusion

It took me until I was in my 40s before I started to care less what other thoughts about me, although to be fair, I had been more concerned with what I said and did rather than how I looked.

Having said that, I know that, objectively, I’ve never been much of a “looker” – I don’t think I’m ugly, but I’m no Adonis either – but that has never bothered me.

But for those who are constantly critical of their own body, I would say that your body does not define who you are.

It’s true that some professions (e.g. being a jockey or ballerina) may not be suitable for all body shapes, but similar conditions apply to plenty of jobs (or hobbies) – not everybody is cut out for everything, for a whole range of reasons (e.g. mental capacity, manual dexterity, appeal).

For me, I think the key things are:

1. Work out who you are as a person and what you want to do with your life, and focus on that
2. Remember that life is too short to care about superficial judgements from other people, especially those you don’t even like or respect.
3. Accept that society’s image of the “perfect” person is not real – it’s been manufactured for a reason, and that reason is usually to sell you something (which you probably don’t need).
4. Trust that your life has value – to you, and to others (including non-human animals). I am not a believer that anybody or anything has defined our life’s purpose for us – it’s up to each person to decide what their own purpose is. And while you may not yet have met those whose lives you can enrich by your presence, that most certainly does not mean they don’t exist.
5. Love yourself! Yes, we all have “faults”, things we’re not proud of, but we also all have good characteristics too, so as long as you strive to maximize those and minimize the less good parts of you, you’re good.

If you are suffering from a negative body image (or self-image in general), or you know somebody who is, I hope this article helps in some way, because as I said, life is way too short to be distracted by stuff that doesn’t really matter.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Affirmation Software
2. Body Image Workbook
3. Find A Counsellor (US only)
4. The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck